Runaway

I feel antsy sometimes. Like I am unable to sit still, or relax my anxious thoughts that run vigorously through my head.

It's mostly at night when I feel this way. I just have the upmost compulsion to get up, grab my keys and i pod and just hit the road. Go as far as my little '98, 195,000 mile Toyota Corolla can go. Other times I just feel like running out the door and going as far as my legs can take me. If I make it to Chix Beach, I'll be happy. Just so long as it is far from here.

My thoughts about getting out of school are irrational. I'm safe here. I live within a bubble of ignorance, blind to the outside world even though I'm informed of everything that is going on out there. I'm sheltered. My Con Law briefs and Spanish lesson plans take more precedent over the anxiety of me paying upwards to $5 a gallon this summer for gas. School prevents me from feeling this uneasiness and added stress that the real world causes. But here I am blabbing about how much I want to escape.

The thing is, once I leave the gates of VWC, it's all on me. I've been waiting for the day of complete independence and freedom from parents, school, soccer... and here it comes in about 6 weeks. I've convinced myself that I'm ready and prepared.

It's total bullshit.

I know in my right mind that I am going to struggle this next year. I'm open to the challenge but will I make it, or will I hit the ground running?

I'm never satisfied in one spot, always wandering, meandering and searching for something else. Being in school gave me the opportunity to exercise my roaming tendencies. But once I am responsible for myself, will I have the ability to wander off like I have? Will I be satisfied to stay in one place?